Trick or Treat

Well, hello, and welcome to another LTC. October is a pretty dope month I think. I like the weather, the leaves and shit on the ground, the smell of them burning in piles, all that shit. It kind of depress me, but hey, that's just me. Autumn is the best month. It's also the high energy snowboard stoke month. Autumn is a season dumb ass... By the way, happy 22nd. Well, that's what I meant, and thanks. Back in the day, we used to drive beater cars around and run over garbage piles and shit to keep occupied, it was quite fun. That was some fun shit!! I have to say Ray, that fall of '94 was one of the most memorable times of my life. Mr. McGrath preaching us shit, us lying in our reports, and all the mayhem after school. Yeah, I was the master of bullshit in American History, everyone believed me (read Nov. 98 LTC for example). I need to get my self another beater, that shit is just much fun!! By the way, we gotta find a weekend to make the old Annual Rib Mt. trip. Ok, as long as we piss some people off, I feel the need to piss some people off... maybe we can piss off the park ranger? Like what, not pay for parking? How about we do what Bill always did, and just give innocent people the finger? Anyway, this month it looks like we'll talk about Mr. Certain Point Of View himself, Alec Guiness, the o.g. Obi. Also we'll discuss some EPII rumors. Looks like Ray wants to talk about Halloween too, since its in the subject box up top. Well, I just looked at last years LTC and noticed we put it up there, but never talked about it... gotta keep tradition. Damn, Ray I got an idea, we should have the readers e-mail us subjects to rant about, cause I'm running low here. Good idea, seeing as how people actually read this now. Well, let's get this bitch started.

Now Ray, what was it that Alec said again? Also, that Chancellor Valorum bastard guy, he was talking shit too, what did he say? This whole magical ghost body thing is wacked too. I don't go for that 'trick' shit at all. Whoa hold on there sweet tits, slow down. One subject at a time... It seems that old shriveled up nut sack, Sir Alec Guinness has some mixed emotions about his part of Obi- Wan Kenobi in episodes 4-6. In a recent interview with Talk magazine, the old bastard shed some light on how much he disliked working on the film which prompted what he claims was a change in the saga’s story. According to Talk, Guinness found the whole experience of working in the film so horrible that he decided that he would try to encourage George Lucas to kill off Obi-Wan Kenobi citing that doing so would provide the film with poignancy. Guinness explains, "And Lucas agreed with me… what I didn't tell him was that I just couldn't go on speaking those bloody awful, banal lines. I'd had enough of the mumbo jumbo." Fuckin' Brits, bloody this and bloody that, I'll make that fuck bloody. Come on now Sir Willy Brandt. Willy Brandt was a mayor of Berlin, in Germany, having nothing to do with England, drunkard Irishman. Damn commie... Now here's the kicker. I haven't found my source yet, but I have read different. From what I read, Alec was totally pissed when he found out Obi-Wan died in the EP4, so pissed that he was going to quit the movie. George told him that Obi-Wan's death would provide the film with poignancy and that he would be back for the next two films, so with that, Alec agreed to stay on. Sounds like Alec is just a little jealous about all the other characters getting more attention then him. Well, let's compare Obi's EPI fight with EP4. All old Obi did was walk in circles and gives the fuck up, while young Obi does what everyone should do, and takes the dark side to his advantage, flying around, doing acrobat shit and killing dark Jedi. That explains that. It explains that you like the dark side... I don't know, we pick on Star Wars here at Chachi, but in all honesty, we love Star Wars, what we do here is for fun. Since the release of EP1, everyone seems to have a problem with Lucas. Can't they just let shit be? Gotta play the good guy, don't you Ray? It is my destiny. Your destiny lies with me, young Hamus, you know it be true. Go play your ass groping, mind tricks on someone else, they don't work on me.

Now Terrace Stamp, the man who played Chancellor Valorum, is complaining about working on the Phantom Menace. Well, fuck him. We'll get to that in a minute. Apparently, Stamp was looking forward to working with Natalie Portman. When he arrived on the set, George gave her the day off and told Stamp to act out his lines while looking at post which was later replaced with Portman. He also complained about Lucas as a director, stating that Lucas gave hardly any direction and wouldn't let him read the script, only his three pages with his lines. Now Terrance, I know you have been acting for 40 years now and are pretty much set in your ways, but hey, if you can't handle the way some movies are made today, maybe you should quit. As for the script, get over it. It's standard Lucas procedure... Yea, do what the hairy bastard says and you'll be famous. It's not like his part was even that big anyway, what he could have looked at Natalie for 5 seconds and that's it. Better to not see her at all than see her for 5 seconds and masturbate about it forever. That goes for you horny bastards at the Bad Mutha Forum too...

Ok, time for the rumors and bullshit. This one sounds like some bull shit, it has to with Qui-Gon not turning into a ghost when he died. Apparently this is something you learn as you progress in the ways of the force. What do you think about that Kevy? We all know what the fuck I think, it's a bunch of magical bullshit, some magic trick Yoda teaches Obi. Yea, its a simple trick to live after you die. Whatever fuckin' whatever. I don't know, how did I say it in that e-mail? You said pretty much the same thing and I feel the same way. I mean c'mon, this is a Jedi right? The people who can channel the force through them, which is power from all living creatures, and control it at that. To me, it seems like they have been chosen to have this power, so you would think they would be rewarded for their work. Instead it's a damn magic trick. I think there may be more to this than the CD tells us. Many of you may not know this, but it takes a Jedi one month to make a light saber. They have to meditate for a month a draw power from the force into the saber so that it will ignite. Maybe the after life trick is pulled off like this some how? One month? Luke didn't have to meditate that long in Shadows of the Empire. If the force is in all things, the actual pieces of the lightsaber would already have the force in them, see? Why meditate to put the force into it when it's already in there? I knew I shouldn't have brought that up. Ok, there are two ways of making a saber. The proper way is meditating for a month. The other way is the quick way, used during the clone wars when they were in a hurry which only takes two and a half days. As always, you missed an important point about the force that should know. The force is in all living things, not metal and jewels and other saber parts. Young Jedi, foolish are you... Oh no, you are foolish, for when Yoda is talking with Luke on Dagobah, he's telling Luke where the force is, saying "you, I , the tree, the rock" and as far as I know rocks aren't alive. We all know what Yoda says goes, so there. I don't know, just telling you what I have read. It don't matter, Lucas fucked everything up with this midichlorian bullshit in EP1... so I guess what he says goes.

One rumor I have seen on the net is that it's supposedly been confirmed that Yoda will be in a lightsaber duel in 2 or 3. Maybe he fights a mini Greedo. This doesn't make any sense, because Jedi Masters are supposedly so strong with the force they don't need normal weapons to fight. I would get bored of force pushing people off buildings and shit. Instead of force push, you force crush there heads in, or force pull their sabers away and chase them with it. Shit get creative, your a Jedi Master for fuck's sake, anything's possible. But, then again, wasn't Qui-Gonn a master? No, Qui-Gon was just a Jedi Knight. Anyway, I can just imagine the fucked up special effects needed to make Yoda run around and fight and shit, and I think it may look a tad fucked, like Jar Jar ish or something, all CGI or whatever. I think it would be cool if they did it right. Have him do back flips and shit, do his little laugh and maybe bite people. Right... I thought Lucas was cutting down on the computer shit this time around? you never know... I wish that bastard would just make up his mind. But he's George, he can get away with ass-fucking our minds. hmmm. I mean, who the hell else could make the other films anyway, plus, the smart fans are getting used to him doing it all the time, BUT I still don't think he should. I don't know about you, but my mind doesn't have an ass... ass fucking our minds huh? Yes, that's what I said, Lucas ass fucks our minds and giggles his mother fuckin' ass off when he does it too, and we just smile and take cause we're whipped over Star Wars.

So, I got the new Mack Dawg video Technical Difficulties. Yeah, I don't have it yet, so I'll let Kevy tell you about this... At first, I didn't really like it, I thought Decade was way better. But, after the second or third viewing, I liked it. The only complaint I have is the hip hop music in it. The three best sections, JP Walker, Bjorn Leines, and Joni Malmi's parts all have the shit music in them. Hieroglyphics, and Method Man. I don't really mind the one JP rides too, it kind of fits his style in this video. For the first time in a long time, Peter Line doesn't have the last section of the video. Instead, Mr. Drag-my-hand after every landing Devun Walsh gets it, don't ask me how. Just cause he learned backside rodeo 7's and can inverted 540 over some gap doesn't mean he's the best. He didn't jib at all. I hate that, it gets a tad boring to just watch kickers the whole time, you gotta mix the shit up with some rails and park jibs. I think JP Walker had the best section by far. He has his own wacky ass spins and dope jibs. Some people from Decade with larger parts didn't have big ones in this. Jeremy Jones only gets about 7 shots or so, which I was bummed on, cause he rips. At least Todd Richards only got 3 shots, and Allister Schultz's section wasn't huge either. Unfortunately, Allister is riding the same board I have, a Forum Bjorn Leines 156. Ha ha ha, loser. But, buy this video, because it's most likely the best one out again this season, except for The Haakonsen Faktor. Then again, that has Guch in it. Guch is your buddy.

I rented The Matrix last week. This guy I worked with hated it, and told me a little about it. Ray blows his load over it, so I had to see who was right. I, ah, um.. I thought Trinity was good looking. Keanu had his signature lines in the movie, like "Whooaa," and "don't get on the bus!" What are you talking about? "don't get on the bus!" That wasn't in the movie. May as well have been though. ... The fight scenes were good, but I couldn't stay serious about them because I always looked at Keanu's face and it was expressionless. I don't know, he just doesn't have the ass wupping look I guess. He was calm and under control, not everyone rushes into a fight like your hero Mike Tyson. Look, it has nothing to do with calm and under control, it has to do with it obviously being choreographed and he did it 500 times before they shot the damn sequence. Ok. I did think the last part was cool, after he stopped the bullets and the guy charged him and he just started blocking shit left and right. If I could do that, I think I'd go piss off people I didn't like just for the fun of it. You wouldn't even need to hit them, it would be fun. I didn't think this was Star Wars for cyber-punks though. Besides, some things bothered me about this movie. I won't pick on you for this Kevy, I've come to expect it from you... for one, they have that loading program to give themselves guns and shit before they go into the matrix. Why don't they gives themselves unlimited ammo, or stick in a god-mode code. After all, the matrix is only a program, if they can hack in and out of it, I don't see why they can't do some old Doom or Jedi Knight codes as well. Or hell, they could program the A.I. right out of it. I see your point on the ammo, but the god mode is out of the question I think. If you remember, they insert themselves into the matrix through their mind, thus the mind goes on thinking it's real. In order to have a god mode they would have to hack their own brain, not to easy. But they know themselves they are in the computer matrix program, and if they know that they should realize they can't die in it. You just don't get it, do you? I guess the fuck not. YARM!

I just bought Sudden Death finally, for only $6.99. Ah yeah, classic Van Damme. I must say, that fight scene is still the best. That girl gets the shit kicked out of her. Pepper in the eyes, hand in the fry grease, a kick to the neck, and lunchtray to the neck, Yeah, a lunchtray... then two boots to the tits and into the dishwasher. I recall you getting pretty excited over that scene, pretty funny shit. If you haven't seen this movie, the humor in all of this is that the lady is some big Russian in a hockey mascot uniform, some big duck costume or some shit. What bothers me though, is his fucking son. The kid isn't proud of his dad till he kills 20 people and saves the vice president, then he's all, "you should have seen my dad" to the paramedics at the end. Before that, all he did was change light bulbs and his son talked shit behind his back. Whatever fuckin' whatever. ha ha ha, never thought of it that way. I almost think this movie beats out Ronin for most innocent civilian deaths, though.

Halloween. What comes to mind when this word rolls off your tongue?? Candy? Trick or Treat? Pumpkin smashing? How about making some big plate of a bunch of shit mixed together on a doorstep, then pissing in it and fucking up the yard, and calling the house up and saying "look outside fuckers" then calling back 5 mins. later to see what they have to say? Yeah, that will work too, but there is one thing that comes to my mind. Scary shit. This is the time of the year where all the scary shit is suppose to happen right? We learn this as kids through our parents, friends, stories, books, radio and TV. I think horror movies are what really get us scared as little kids. I remember watching a lot of horror films when I was a kid. Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm St., Halloween: the movie and so on. I bet everyone has, so tell us what your favorite horror film is. Click here and let us know what your vote is... then go out and beat some little kids up for their candy or something. Yeah, or throw eggs at them.

Well Kevy, your stupid commie ass is just boring the shit out of me so I'm going to leave now. Hey do you think we should invite flex to help out for the Nov. issue? I don't know, he doesn't have the Chachi humor, he has Flex humor. Maybe Biker? I mean maybe he could talk to us about back country survival? He didn't even buy bindings for his $550 board last year, what does he know about backcountry? I don't know, but that sounds good, talk to Biker and see what he wants to do. Till then, don't get your ass kicked by the boogie monster.

Kevin

Ray