Original Theatrical Crisis

Hello, Star Wars fans. How are you all doing? Good? Mmmm... Bad? Err... Ok? .... I know it's been a crazy month since five simple words caused an entire world of Star Wars fans to throw their fist in the air and cheer like they just blew up the second death star. Those five words were "Original Theatrical Trilogy on DVD." Indeed. Lucas announced on Star Wars.com that he was finally releasing the Original Theatrical Trilogy on DVD for a limited time on Sept 12th, 2006. Oh yes, this was a day to celebrate and fan boys were blowing their digital wad's all over forums boards proclaiming their victory. They were bragging how George finally gave in to their endless stream of petitions, letters, phone calls, picket lines outside of Lucas Ranch and stalking Lucas Film employees. Fan boys united, organized and won the long battle much like the Rebel Alliance defeated the Galactic Empire. Emperor Lucas had been brought to his knees. A day the Fan Boy Alliance would never forget. You seem to be on a roll here, I'm going to let you keep going and just stay out of the way.

The next day, some fan boys finished reading the announcement and became excited when they found out each movie would be sold separately and include a bonus disc. While they would have liked a box set, the fan boys more than welcomed a bonus disc choked full of vintage Star Wars material that supposedly didn't exist. Score another victory for the Fan Boy Alliance. This was another day for celebration; back to the forum boards to talk about what might be on the bonus disc and how beautiful these movies will look since Lucas will undoubtedly remaster these films for DVD and give fans the best in THX digital sound. Himee told me about his all out rager in his Grammies' basement that included multiple 2 liter bottles of Jolt! soda, a raid into his huge stockpile of leftover Easter candy, and finishing it off with some Egg Nog he found in the back of the family frig from Christmas '05. Fan boys all over the world celebrated like this for two days until Emperor Lucas announced the unthinkable.

After fighting for nine long years, the fan boys thought they had won. It was assumed that since Lucas was finally releasing the original trilogy on DVD, it would be digitally remastered for optimal picture quality and sound. This after all was a major reason for every Star Wars re-release on VHS and the special edition trilogy on DVD. Lucas prides himself on remastering Star Wars films. Not this time. One by one, fan boys drop their jaws in disbelief when they found out that Lucas only planned on using a Laserdisc transfer from 1993 with no plans of remastering. Some fan boys went into denial as they found out these transfers will not be in anamorphic wide screen or even have digital 5.1 surround sound. Surely this must be a joke? Lucas would never do anything like this. The final blow delivered by Lucas proved to be the most devastating as he explained the two disc package also contained the special edition of the film, but not on the same disc. The special edition was on disc one while the original theatrical film was on disc two. Yes, Lucas is going to force fans to buy films they already own just to get a sub-par transfer of the original theatrical trilogy. Lucas truly had mastered the dark side of the force.

What was considered a long, hard earned victory quickly turned into a crushing defeat. Emperor Lucas, also know as Darth Devious, shattered the Fan Boy Alliance and tightened his capitalist grip on the Star Wars empire. Some fans claimed they were finished with Star Wars and walked away in search of Middle Earth or Hogwarts. A few committed Jedi chose suicide when they placed their sabers to their temples and ignited them. The majority of bitter fan boys turned to the dark side that day and vowed vengeance. They spewed their anger and hatred across cyber space, promising to bring an end to Lucas Film by any means necessary. Untold hundreds of fan sites blinked out of existence as their energy was consumed by the dark side of the force.

That is the story so far. So, what do we think about all of this? Well, when we read the announcement, we didn't get caught up in the celebrating since we actually read the whole press statement. I was quick to point out that we would have to repurchase the Special Edition Trilogy just to get the Original Theatrical Trilogy. Lucas always pulls this kind of shit, so this was no surprise. I noticed that the films would only be in Dolby Surround 2.0, which meant a new digital remaster was out of the question. I figured maybe Lucas was going to use the 1996 VHS remastered trilogy. That would be one reason the DVD would be in 2.0 surround, since VHS was not capable of 5.1 surround. The picture quality would still be good, since it was digitally remastered to film and then transferred to VHS. A few days later, The Digital Bits broke news that Lucas Film was actually using a 1993 remastered Laserdisc (LD) transfer. I'm no Lucas expert, but I never thought he would go all the way back to 1993 and use an LD transfer. I have LD transfers of the Star Wars trilogy on bootleg DVD with menus and extras. I'm not sure if they are the 1993 remastered trilogy, but they look a little better than a VHS tape. I've yet to see the LD version, but the whole idea seems to go against Lucas' overall theorem about always updating, adding, and upgrading the versions of the first 3 films. It seems odd that he would take a few back flips back, rather than just steps back, when it came to giving the core fans what they want. Then again, it sort of fits, because he always throws what's expected to happen out the window. Unpredictable, yes, Lucas has become.

I personally am not all that concerned about the quality of the original theatrical trilogy. I mostly prefer the special edition over the original theatrical versions. For me, both versions of the films have their pros and cons. I love the original version of Return of the Jedi for the always memorable Ewok song and the real Max Rebo Band in Jabba's palace. I feel the special edition updates for those two scenes suck ass when compared to the original. There I fully agree. I mean, I believe I stated this elsewhere, but how do you go about taking out the Max Rebo Band for some cheeseball Muppets sing-a-long with the character from the HoneyComb commercials? Sheer blasphemy. A desecration of the force. And yes, even though I do enjoy the new celebration scenes at the end, you don't just cut out the great "Left Nuts" Ewok song that Ray, myself, and the entire Chachi crew chanted on the long rides up the hills on chairlifts in the winter time. Left nuts, we got left nuts... heh. I do however, like what was done to A New Hope and the Empire Strikes Back. The new openness of Cloud City is breathtakingly beautiful and now Mos Eisley really does look like a retched hive of scum and villainy. Yeah, that's true. The only Special Edition I have a problem with is ROTJ, which happens to be my favorite Star Wars film, so yes, I have major problems with it. I still say ANH needs more updates, like the whole death star attack, but that is perhaps better left for another discussion. Anyway, it would have been nice to get a digitally remastered THX transfer in a three disc box set for about thirty bucks, just for old times sake, but all dreams have a price and Lucas is going to make you pay about $50 for a partial realization of that dream. Yes, he knows he's anally raping you, and no, he doesn't care.

Now, we all know there is a better version of the original theatrical trilogy sitting in the Lucas Film archives no matter how much Lucas denies it, so you have to wonder if he is up to something else. I'm a firm believer that this is just another step to capitalize on the wide expanse of fans, then in another year when it's the 30th Anniversary of the original film, he'll release yet again another version, maybe this time a copy from the 1996 remaster's to appease the "overwhelming response for a better quality version of the original theatrical version on dvd." Can't you just see a press release stating something like that? That has crossed my mind. So is Lucas going to surprise us in a year or two with a 1996 digitally remastered THX box set? Maybe. I think he has something else in mind. Lucas says he has no plans to release these films on HD-DVD or Bluray, which I kind of believe. If you read his TIME magazine interview, he seems to have dropped his support for Bluray Disc in favor of HiDef (HD) digital downloads. This would explain why he also released Episodes 4-6 on regular DVD. Lucas claims HD downloads will be the preferred method for buying and watching movies in a few years. What better way for Lucas to release the original trilogy with the best possible quality. I'm willing to bet he will finally release the original theatrical trilogy in all it's remastered glory on the HD download format. Well, I guess I'm behind the times, because I have no idea what the hell HD digital downloading is. Never heard of it. But, then again, all I have for technology in my one room studio apartment is a laptop and an iPod. I think I'm smart enough to figure it out, though. Basically you just buy and download a high definition movie through a iTunes like store and watch it on your media center PC with a big ass HDTV and home theater system. Well hey, damn, check out that Slave outfit Leia on the cover, still hot. I guess sometimes lots of drugs are good for something. You've been visiting the Kessel spice mines again, haven't you. Maybe.

So what do you do? Do you buy these sub-par versions on DVD or wait? Only you can answer that. I'll probably NOT buy it. Not really because of the poor quality. Well, maybe that, but also because I'm cutting back on unneeded materialistic purchases, plus I have the first DVD set already. I know most of us Star Whores will buy this version and add them to our growing pile of previous Star Wars releases we have purchased over the years. Kind of like buying a new version of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater every year. Add a new feature, throw in a new interview, slap on some new cover art and sell it to the hordes of fans who are angry, but buy it up like fresh Jawa Juice. Go on, you know you want it.

Kevin

Ray