E3 2006: Wrong Turn

HI! Hello all you Silly Billy Gumdrops! Welcome to Himee Land where every day is a SWEET! fun day! Okay, I'm back with some updates on my E3 vacation trip to Los Angeles.

This trip is off to a bad start and I'm not happy about it. So Pat and I took a flight from Wausau, WI to Milwaukee, WI. Everything was fine until we landed in Milwaukee. The pilot landed the plane really, really hard when he landed. I was bounced around in my seat and spilled my drink in my lap. I guess that was good, because I peed my pants a little and the drink helped to hide that. I was really scared after that, I didn't know if I could get on the plane to San Diego. Pat said not to worry, all I needed to do was have a few drinks to ease my nerves and I would be fine. I don't like to drink because I don't like the taste of alcohol. Pat said not to worry and pulled out a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream and told me to try it. I tried it and liked it. I shared some with Pat, but I drank most of it myself. Every thing went funny after that. I kind of remember Pat helping me on to the plane and then Pat waking me up when the plane had landed. The stewardess asked if I was ok. I heard Pat's voice bounce off the wall saying "Yeah, he'll be Okay, it's his first flight." She said "Oh my god! it's Tom Cruise!"

Pat got me off the plane and into the nearest bathroom. He threw cold water in my face and slapped my cheeks a couple of times. I asked him what he was doing, he said "Well, for once in your life, you've had too much to drink." I remember running to the toilet and throwing up. Pat once again got me up to the sink and threw some water in my face. I felt like crap, but I started to wash my face. After that, I woke up to find Pat pushing me around in a wheel chair. He said I passed out again and he didn't feel like dragging me, so he put me in a wheel chair. I heard people asking him questions so I looked around to see reporters and cameras. One looked at me and said, "How does it feel to have a friend like Mr. Cruise take time out of his busy schedule and help you with your alcohol addiction?" and then put the microphone in my face. I said "what?" Pat said "Himee is in no condition to speak right now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get him something to eat. After that I'll be glad to talk about my new movie Mission Impossible 3." Pat takes me to a little restaurant in the food court. He orders me a hot dog, which is on the house because the owner thinks Pat is Tom Cruise. I ask him what is going on and he tells me to eat the hot dog, he says I'll feel better once I have food in my stomach. I ask him again, what is going on. He said, "Well, they think I'm Tom Cruise, so I'm having a little fun." I told him he could get in serious trouble. Pat just shrugged and said maybe he could get some more free stuff before it was over. I then asked him why the reporters thought I had an alcohol addiction. "Well it was the first thing that came to mind, I mean you were pretty drunk. Anyway, you eat up, I'm going to promote my new movie, Mission Impossible 3."

I sat there eating my hot dog and watching Pat charm the crowd and talk about Mission Impossible 3. One of the reporters then asked "Are you taking your friend to the San Francisco Detox Center?" Pat said yeah. I kind of laughed to myself because San Francisco is about 5 hours away from San Diego. A few minutes later pat had finished with the reporters and sat down next to me. "This is great! I can act! Those people totally thought I was Tom Cruise. I guess that guy at the movie theater was right." Pat was referring to the guy at the Wisconsin Rapids movie theater. THe one who told he could pass for a Tom cruise look-a-like. I told him it was pretty funny and that we should be on our way to San Francisco because it's about a 5 hour drive. That's when Pat told me some more bad news. We were already in San Francisco. Apparently while Pat was trying to get me on the plane in Milwaukee he picked the wrong boarding terminal. Pat says I was moaning and talking funny while waiting in line because I was so drunk. When the flight attendant asked what was wrong, Pat told her I was on sedatives to help calm me for the flight. I then fell down and caused a scene. In the confusion that followed, the flight attendant never check our tickets and rushed us aboard the plane. Pat said he didn't realize what had happened until we landed.

I asked Pat what we were going to do now. He said we should get our luggage and rent a car so we could get back to San Diego. I told him if we rented the car that I would be broke. He said the same was true for him, but he had a plan. So Pat approached the car rental rep and explained that he was Tom Cruise and he was trying to get me, his alcoholic friend to a detox clinic in San Diego. Unfortunately all our luggage, including his cell phone and wallet were sent to San Diego. He told them he would gladly pay the rental company once he retrieved his wallet at the San Diego airport. The rep was more than sympathetic and happily set us up with a car, full tank of gas and a gas card for the trip, all on the house. The rep said they were more than happy to help out a wonderful celebrity like Tom Cruise who went out of the way to help his friends. Pat then gave all the employees a Tom Cruise autograph and we were on our way in a new Mustang! SWEET! We don't have Mustang's at Mark Motor. I was pretty excited that we got the car for free. Pat suggested we take a cruise through San Francisco since we had a gas card. I said SWEET! I want to see the Golden Gate Bridge!

So off we went to explore San Francisco. This wasn't the best idea, because this is where the trip gets a whole lot worse. You'll have to wait until the next issue to find out why. See ya then Silly Billy Gumdrops.

Himee Jones