Movie Review: Silent Hill

Hi, it's me again! I've been a bit busy watching movies, playing video games and doing some research for the guys, but I'm back, because you the reader demands it. So let's talk about one of the movies I watched, Silent Hill.

Okay, I called up Pat on our day off to see if he wants to go see Silent Hill, he said sure. I said SWEET! I love the movie theater. I live in Wisconsin Rapids and we have a historic six theater movie theater. Grandma lets me use her car so I pick up Pat and away we go. Once at the theater I pay for my ticket and run over to the concession stand to get my popcorn. I love popcorn with lots of butter and salt, it makes me happy. I get the biggest bucket they have, a large soda, some mason dots, some snow caps and some charleston chews. Pat doesn't buy anything, he says he came prepared. As we head off to theater 4 to get good seats, a man approaches Pat and tells him he is a talent agent. He says Pat looks a lot like Tom Cruise and would make a great look-a-like. He gives Pat his card and tells him to call if he is interested in making some money. Pat takes it and off we go to get seats. Theater 4 seats maybe fifty people, yeah it's a small number, but I think the screen is nice.

We find seats in the front row, my favorite spot! Before the movie starts, they play a trailer for Poseidon. This movie looks scary, but I may have to go see it. Finally the movie starts. SWEET! I remember playing the first video game on the Playstation, it was scary and I couldn't finish it, so I watched Pat play it. Sean Bean is in this movie, I remember him from Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. This movie has an erie feeling right away and wastes no time in getting to silent hill. The visuals with the ash falling from the sky is just like it was in the game. I was pretty impressed. Pat opened his brief case and pulled out a flask of peppermint schnapps and some crab meat. I gasp and whisper to him that he can't drink in the theater. Pat says "watch me" and takes a swig. Pat is such a rebel.

So the sirens kick in and the sky turns black, the sound is pretty freaky and loud. These little hell babies come out of nowhere and attack Rose, the main character. I had to close my eyes and plug my ears. I open my eyes 5 minutes later to see that Rose got away from the hell babies, SWEET! She's pretty, but now this cop has arrested her and is about to be attacked by this creepy walking thing that spits acid. RUN! RUN ROSE RUN! Pat laughs as the creepy thing spits the acid on the cop. People in the back rows start yelling at us to shut up. I'm kind of scared, so I get up to go before I pee my pants.

When I come back, it's dark again and Rose is running from these flesh eating bugs. The cop finds her and pulls her into a utility room just in time. Whew. Scary. All of a sudden a big sword comes smashing through the door. Oh my god, it's the fiend! I can't watch. Why oh why did I come to see this movie? I chance a peek and see that Rose and the cop survived their encounter with the fiend. SWEET! I should tell you that the movie is kind of a blur from this point on. I was scared out of my mind, so I eventually got up, left Pat to enjoy his crab meat and went for a walk outside. The fresh air helps to calm me. I go ut the back doors and take a left at the sidewalk.

I don't get to far on my walk, because there is a big hill and I don't feel like walking up it so I sit down on a parking block. I didn't turn right because that would take me to the river. I don't like the river. My grandpa told me that the river has man eating trout that will jump out of the water and pull you in. I'm not letting them eat me. Oooohh, look at the butterfly. Pretty. I feel better now, I think I'll go back in.

As I enter the theater, the cop is being burnt by some wacko's in a church. She looks pretty crispy. Rose confronts the wacko's and is stabbed with a knife. BUMMER! After this, everything gets really weird. Some scary looking woman laying on a bed covered with barb wire comes up from under the ground. The barb wire shoots out from the bed and starts to wrap around the church wacko's and rips them apart. I didn't really understand what was going on. Pat yelled BOO really loud and threw my soda at the screen and it exploded on impact. The other people in the theater got really, really mad started throwing soda and popcorn at me and Pat. Pat takes a big drink of peppermint schnapps, puts on his sun glasses, gets up to face the crowd and starts yelling "SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!" over and over. We run out the back door of the theater before the crowd beats up. Pat can be a lot of fun sometimes. We made a pit stop at Taco Johns on the way home, because all that excitement made us hungry.

I guess Silent Hill was okay. It was a lot scarier than I thought it would be, but the ending really confused me. What was the barbed wire all about? I asked Pat and he said they used barbed wire because you can't have tentacles in hell. What does that mean? I think Pat needs to quit drinking.

Himee Jones